What Mothers Need to Succeed
I'm sitting on the couch next to my son James. It's Mother's Day, late afternoon, and we are watching a dumb movie on TV procrastinating making dinner and doing homework. It is the happiest I have been all day – hanging out with my son, doing nothing. A lot of my favorite parenting moments are like this. I find a tremendous amount of joy just being with my children, not doing anything special. I appreciate this together time all the more because I know how fleeting it is. My twins are juniors in high school and this is nearly the end of my job as full-time mother. And as sad as I am, I'm also breathing a sigh of relief that I did it. I was able to have an exciting career and be there as a hands-on mother for my twin boys.
I wouldn't have traded being a mother for anything. I always knew I wanted to have children, and I always knew I wanted to be a really involved parent. It certainly wasn't always easy. But I know that what was available to me as a mother isn't there for so many women in America raising children.
Paid leave. When my boys where born I was working at a law firm that gave me over five months off fully paid. This allowed me time both to recover from childbirth and to fully focus on my new babies. Most importantly, it allowed me to nap during the day because I was hardly sleeping at night (twins, remember?) New parents get between 2-4 hours of uninterrupted sleep in those early months if they are lucky, and I can't imagine how anyone is able to be productive at work on so little sleep. Yet only 12 percent of women in the US get paid maternity leave, and if you are in a low-wage job, there's a 95 percent chance you won't have paid leave. America ranks dead last in developed countries in providing leave for new mothers. This doesn't just hurt women, it hurts our economy.
Subsidized child care. When I came back to the law firm after maternity leave, I worked part-time but was paid enough to afford to have a nanny at home to watch the boys (with twins, this turned out to be cheaper than daycare). But for many families, this is not possible. Child care is increasingly expensive, and some mothers face the difficult choice of giving up a job they enjoy because child care costs more than they make in take-home pay. Many more mothers can't afford not to work and are forced to use subpar childcare providers. I remember that when my boys were babies they felt like living appendages of my heart. The idea of anyone not picking them up when they were crying or not taking good care of them hurt me physically. They are especially vulnerable when they are babies and can't tell you that something isn't right. But without paid family leave and subsidized child care, too many newborns face inadequate care because their mothers have no other choice.
Workplace flexibility. I not only had a high-paying law firm job when my boys were born, I also had a husband who had a high-paying law firm job. This made it possible for me to leave the law firm a few years later to start my first nonprofit. I couldn't afford to pay myself a salary at first, but I was able to keep building my organization because my spouse earned enough for us to be a one-income household. I know how rare this is.
Being financially supported by my spouse also gave me the freedom to create a job where I was the CEO. And being CEO meant that I set my schedule so that I was able to leave work to pick up my sons after school, be there for their school games, never miss a school performance, take them to their doctor's appointments and be there on sick days. Far from taking away from my productivity, I firmly believe that the flexibility I built into my organization helps me and my staff be better, more productive, happier workers. But too few organizations offer flexible work policies, which could make parents' lives so much easier.
I know how good I've had it. I have been supported every step of the way, and I am so fortunate to have a close relationship with my sons and a rewarding, exciting career. But I know how many women don't have the options I've had, and the result is bad not just for women but for the country. Part of the solution has to be to making child care a priority for both fathers and mothers. And one step towards making this a reality is electing more women to office who have faced these issues and will legislate accordingly.
